Here I am Lord, needing your mercy once again.Falling down and getting up, seems this fight I’ll never win.My heart cry’s out for you Lord, help me get it right this time.Why must I fall so much Lord. Why is the battle mostly in the climb?Sin is not my choice Lord, yet it’s in the choices that I make.The more I reach for you Lord, the more poisonous the snake.The wounds that cut me deeply, leaving scars so deep, that others can see.The things that wasn’t my fault Lord, those are the same things that set me free.The hurt it may have come, and entangled me in its web of defeat.To the spider, who’s so hungry, I am just another meal so sweet.Sin is never far from where I’ve laid down my heavy cross.Every splinter, every pain, every torn piece of flesh, is for a greater cost.Who am I to carry my Jesus’ saving name, for one and for all?For there’s a King, who died and rose again for us, yes, even when we fall.Here I am again Lord, needing your mercy and your love.Here I am again Lord, calling on your name to rise above.Every step I take is for a purpose far greater than I.Every sin that has me bound, a Savior had to die.For the broken and the dirty, for the sin others can not see.For the addictions that held me together, yet destroyed me piece by piece.Yet on my knees crying, I am bowed down to the power of the cross.The cross that dripped the blood of deliverance, for all who are lost.The ones who yelled and screamed “this wicked man, he must die.”They’re the same ones who now hurt and crucify, you and I.We can’t ever know the cost of what Jesus did that day. Except through the power of the blood, that washes every scarlet sin away.Here i am again Lord, needing your forgiveness and your grace.Here I am again Lord falling on my face.Here I am again Lord, longing to be free from my every sin.Help me get it right Lord, so one day this fight I’ll win.Here I am again Lord, just like I am every day.Help me be proud of my scars Lord, they help show others the way.Here I am again Lord to crucify my flesh to the cross.Needing a Savior, who in His death and resurrection, there was much cost.Here I am again Lord, take these sins far from me. Here I am again Lord, bless the darkness of my path, so others may see.I don’t want these sins Lord, you know each one causes much regret and pain.Here I am again Lord, make me new in Jesus Name!4/26/28Sis Jenn Maddox

Behind This smile lies a world of broken & shattered dreams.Behind this smile, smiling o so pretty, is not what it seems.Behind this smile is a broken little girl who is still crying inside.Behind this smile is a broken heart because of the many men who abused me and lied.Behind this smile lies betrayal and abuse that has been so deeply done to me.Behind this smile, I'm locked in chains of what I use to be & still is at times, my reality.Behind this smile I'm hurting, I'm cryn at times even feels like I'm dyn inside.Behind this smile is a tender loving soul.Behind this smile life has taken its toll.Behind this  this smile I'm fighting to survive and breathe.Behind this smile is a war for who I long to be.

Thank you for loving me, in the middle of all this pain that im in.Thank you for loving me, on that cross and dying for all of my sins.I was in this demonic world, and bound by addictions of every kind.Yet, you seen ahead, and when you was on the cross that day, I was on your mind.Thank you for loving me when I was in the depths of hell.Your loving arms reached beyond those flames even further than I fell.Thank you for loving me when my whole world shattered & fell apart.Thank you for loving me when I had nothing to offer you but pieces of my broken heart.Your mercy reached beyond the grave and kept me from dying lost for eternity.Your arms opened wide, your grace protecting me fiercely from the enemy.I can't understand the depths of a love so pure, so beautiful so right.The beauty of joy that you give to me, even on my darkest night.There's nothing I've done. Nothing I can or will ever be able to do,That will come close to the love of My Savior, whose blood made me brand new.The blood that ran down the rugged cross that day.Is the same blood that erased a debt I could never repay.Thank you for loving me Jesus when I didn't love you.Thank you for never letting me go, even when I thought I was through.Your loving arms still held me ,when I just kept pushing you away.Your unending mercy kept reaching, even though I chose not to obey.Thank you Jesus, that you seen one day, who I would be for you.Thank you for loving me Jesus, I truly love you  too. ♡June 22,2021©Jenn Maddox

If you're bound by how you're broken you will stay broken the rest of your life. 

What do you do when it crashes all down?Where do you go when you can't turn around?

I wrote this poem when I was slowly dying, going through some of the deepest church hurt, I've ever experienced in my life. Church hurt is real and its even more real when they side with your abuser while shunning you. They take in your husband still at the times girlfriend, while acting like you don't matter or exist. You have to watch them practically make out, and rub it in your face, and then leave a Apostolic service, deeply wounded, with spirits. They would shake my hand at the door, but not pray with me at the altar. Something happened in 2020 that would forever rock my family and kids, and it wasn't just Covid we went through that year.. One day I will write a book about it all. While going through two court battles that was sent straight from hell, I was looked down on, I was blamed, I was made to look like a liar. I was still being abused, manipulated and lied on, and blamed for it all, this time using court and, lets just put it this way, (wickedness in high places) to control, hurt and abuse me. I was only telling the truth and trying to protect my daughter and one day, IDK when, Truth will come to light, that I never ever once lied. NOT ONCE.

Another poem I began to speak in prayer. Prayer is a powerful thing that breaks demonic strongholds and seals things in the spiritual realm. Never never doubt the power of prayer and speaking that Precious Name of Jesus over the darkness in your life. I was going through a very dark time, the darkest Ive ever experienced in my whole life. It always seemed like God was not for me, but I continued to speak His name! Even looking back I don't understand any of it, but God does. So I will just continue to speak His Name!! He's not done turning it all for my good!If you think its over, that darkness as won, and you are a child of God, don't be defeated darkness never has the final say! It's not over till God says its over, Just keep speaking His Name!!!! 

I was the drug addict Jesus died to save.

The hands of a manThe hands of a man that broke me and bruised me.The hands of a man that shattered my dreams & reality.The hands of a man that I wanted to fleeThe hands of a man that kept choking meThe hands of a man that broke my heartThe hands of a man who tore me apart.The hands of a man who left me in painThe hands of a man who drove me insane.The hands of a man who stabbed me in the backThe hands of a man who would always  attackThe hands of a man who left me broken, bitter and alone.The hands of a man who controlled me, abused me and took away my song.The nail scarred hands of a man who took away all my pain!The nail scarred hands of a man who broke every chain!The nail scarred hands of a man who bore that crossThe nail scarred hands of a man who replaces all I've lost.The nail scarred hands of a man who shapes me, molds me, and makes me.The nail scarred hands of a man who puts my broken pieces back together beautifully.The nail scarred hands of a man who saved me, loved me,and died for me, and took away all the pain. What the hands of a man done to me, led me to the hands of a man who died for me,and saved me!©JENN MADDOXMARCH 23,2021

This morning I wrestled with my flesh to pray. I wrestled spiritually so much it almost felt physical. I kept hearing Bro Williams saying "you know it's spiritual warfare when you don't even wanna pray." I finally pushed past it. It was hard too. Spiritual warfare is hard core! (the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak) all I could think was "what's the point?" and all I could cry out to Jesus is "help me hold on" tears are prayers too and sometimes all we can do is cry. As I prayed this poem just came to me. I begin to speak it as I prayed n cried out to Jesus and fought to hold on. I'm still holding on. I pray this blesses someone today. When you don't want to pray make yourself it's worth it!!! Hold on to Jesus!! Thank you to the ones who are loving me through this and praying for me and reaching out to me and encouraging me. People jus don't know how close someone maybe to slipping away back into the arms of a world that is out to devour them and send them to hell. I love you all!Help me hold on Jesus!Help me hold on through all of this heartache and pain.Help me hold on through the torment and suffering.Help me hold on when I don't even understand.Help me hold on to your nail scarred hand.Help me hold on for my children's souls, depend on my prayers today.Help me hold on Jesus, my grip is slipping away.Help me hold on when I fight to even pray.Going back to this world terrifies me more and more each day.Help me hold on untill this bitterness is all gone.Help me hold on when my heart has no song.Help me hold on despite my wretched sin.Help me hold on for all the souls I will one day win.Help me hold on in the broken mess that I am now.Help me hold on knowing you are gonna work it all out somehow.Help me hold on in my darkest night.Help me hold on, only with you will I win this fight!Help me hold on to cover my babies in your blood.Help me hold on to teach them your undying love.Help me hold on, knowing you're working your plan for my life.Help me hold on through the good and the bad, the pain and the strife.Help me hold on today, tomorrow and always, my babies souls has to be saved.For there is a devil in hell who wants to have them forever enslaved.Help me to hold on the way my momma did for meHelp me hold on even though it's so dark I can't see.If she hadn't held on and had walked away, I would probably be in the grave today.Help me hold on during trials and temptations.Help me hold on when the storm is raging.Help me hold on when the cross is cruel as can be.Help me hold on to the promises you have just for me.Help me hold on till the tears turn to laughter.Life is not a fairy tale, Heaven is the only happy ever after.So holding on may be hard to do,but I had a Savior that held out his arm and died, to give me hope to hold onto!©Sis Jenn MaddoxJuly 9,2021 

The betrayal blessed me.

Broken & bound into beautifully blessed.