Coming From Darkness

Coming From Darkness

One of the last pics of me in addiction, and a pic of me yesterday.... I look a lil ratchet but still 😂 Look at GOD!!! Here's a lil part of my testimony. Yes, I'm in a dark battle right now but I choose Jesus and not drugs. I'm not escaping the pain. I'm learning to give the pain to Jesus. 
Addiction is not pretty. It's not fun even though there seems to be times it is. It isn't. It gets ahold of you like you can't imagine. I aim coming up on 8 years away from shooting meth, morphine n pretty much any drug we could melt down or do. I was that one that said "I will never ever put a needle in my arm." Yet addiction led me to that. It led me to lusting  after the feel of the rush. Sometimes I will feel that feeling, and think about the rush. The rush became the pain, it became the never ending circle of needing it every morning and night and even through out the day. I fell in love with something that was killn me. Much like we do in toxic relationships. I've had many. The drugs become an obsession for more and more. I've lost friends to it. I've also had friends that I lived that lifestyle with that are now free and sober. #wedorecoveryall 💜 ;
 Where there should of been a period for me God put a semicolon. I was that needle junkie with marks all over my arms, yet had my make up on to look good,so I thought and told myself. But inside I was dyn. Health wise, I was dying. Xtc is what first brought me to the drug life. The pain of my first marriage tore me apart and just wanting to escape the pain. I had never did drugs before that. But pain is what creates addiction for most. There was so much pain from my past and I jus wanted to escape reality. And boy did I. I became addicted to that for a long time. It destroyed me. Yet I felt more free than I ever have before, I got wrapped up in the club life after that for a long time. I remember one time the club I was "rolling" (taking xtc) in got raided, that was beyond scary, yet I went back n did it again that night.
Lord, the life I lived and I was jus tryn to escape the pain. But deep down, I wasn't happy. I was running. I was running from the pain, I was running from God, what I knew was truth and right. I never let go of that and I had a momma that fought hell for my soul and I know I would be in the grave today had she backslid and not prayed my way out of hell! T'ya momma Brenda Harrison Because that is what addiction is. Pure hell! Today I look at needles and idk how I ever did that. I remember trying to find a vein, the feeling of the blood being pulled up into the needle, knowing I was about to "feel good" again. Escape the pain again. The feeling of the vein busting and the anger because I couldn't get that rush I sooo "needed." Meth and morphine mixed should have killed me seriously!! I can testify to so much that has happened In my life. I even became suicidal, but I jus couldn't bare leaving my boys without a mother, so I became a cutter. I know that feeling too. The feeling of the blade once again, the blade, the physical pain, and the cut felt better than the emotional pain I felt. I have scars all over me from cutting. I survived that too. It's jus a evil dark demonic spirit that wants to take your soul to a hell that will burn n devour you for eternity.
 Idc that people say "this is a Cult." I've never known a cult to give you real happiness n freedom, to set you free from addictions and sin and the past!! You came here too late to tell me this isn't real. I was a smoker for 18 + years. I was set free of that for good. Never smoked another cigarette, but when I backslid I have battled the vape alot. Once again darkness that wants to destroy you. Nicotine, because anxiety n pain. When it's silently destroying your Insides. I was set free of that as well.  More than once. There is freedom from any addiction!! The Holy Ghost is Real. It's powerful and honestly if you don't have it, you're missing out. Yes, we make mistakes in our walk with God, we are human. Yes, we go through dark times, we are tried n tested and if we trust Jesus we will come forth as gold. This testimony is nothing about me. Nothing! I couldn't do it on my own. I was set free from drugs, prayed through n no withdrawals. The withdrawals are what keeps most choosing ADDICTION. #stopjudging
O tryn to break free of drugs and the pain was hell in itself. Your body went into shock basically if you didn't have it. But God set me free in 2016 and I didn't battle withdrawals anymore. You have to be willing to face the pain you've been running from for years. What better way then to let Jesus heal that pain? O I've fallen multiple times. I've backslid more than once but I never went back to that lifestyle. When I was first trying to break free I was told to stay away from my boyfriend at the time, or it would destroy me. IT DID SPIRITUALLY!  I didn't listen at first. I ended up back on needles and going to church. That didn't last long because of the shame. I ended up getting arrested for stealing make up from Walmart, high out my mind, 🤦🏻‍♀️ and I was soo embarrassed and shamed I didn't want to go back to church. But Sis Robertson n Sis Herring was fighting for my soul. They said "God don't care what you did, jus come home." I went back, prayed back through and Then I fell out for awhile n got worse off. Just like the preacher said!!
O I know my past is horrible. I've failed God sooo much. I can admit that but let me tell you about the mercy of God! My mother prayed for God to give me my little girl to help me escape that lifestyle. I met my little girls daddy in 2015, and I loved him so much, we went to church and he looked at me with tears pouring down his face n said "This is where we belong Jenn" and that changed something in me. We got married and I prayed through and shortly after I got pregnant with Aurora. Look at God! He takes our broken and makes it beautiful, if we fall in love with Him. Yes, the devil destroyed it once again, but God took what the enemy stole and turned it for my good.
I want to give you hope if you fall, that doesn't mean God is done with you, even if you are full of shame and have failed God multiple times, get up, fight for what you know is right. Get to a TRUTH PREACHING CHURCH!!! I thought all my life as a child this wasn't real, I wanted to escape it and I did. But I'm here to tell you, if you have read this far 🤭 This is real, it's beautiful, powerful and life changing. This is a lil of my testimony and I'm coming up on 8 years. I just wanna give God the glory!! I could tell soooo much more, and I will eventually, but this is long enough lol...
I'm beyond blessed. God has blown my mind continually just like He's told me more than once He would, and I know with everything in me that the best is yet to come. Because I choose Jesus. He chose me in my worse state over n over when I deserved to be in the grave. His mercy is far-reaching and it's beautiful. Let Him reach you even in your deepest despair, He's there!! When you choose Him, you have to die to self. You have to take up your cross, and that cross can be heavy but you're being tried. The weight of the cross will become your worth in gold that we allow Him to makes us into. O He loves us so. He can do. It for me, He can do it for you!!!! #justanotherpartofmytestimony #8yrsrs #wedorecoveryall 💜 ; #notwhoiusetobe#ButGod!!!!
This is all the product of a praying mother, and a merciful God!! Lord, help me to be this praying, mother!!
A poem I wrote.
When y'all look at me now and think that I am bound.Look at me then, how I use to walk around.
Didn't care how I looked, didn't care who knew.It was for that high anything I would do.
I was bound by them chains of addiction and sinI withdrawled and ODed again and again.
I couldn't start my morning without a shot or a pill. I may of had a smile on my face but it wasn't real.
I should be in the grave, burning in hell todayBut the I AM said there's another way.
The smile I have now is from Jesus who loves me. You see He had mercy because He seen who I would be.
That cross He died on was for all of our sins. The blood that He shed covered them all for all men
So if your lost in that hell and darkness, know I was to. Give Jesus a chance and you will see what He can do.
The darkness that you feel has swallowed you wholeGod can use for his glory and save your soul! ❤️#mystoryGodsGlory©Jenn MaddoxJan 31,20204 years sober